The Miami Real Estate Dictionary: Laugh, Cry, Then Call Us

(Because Half the Words Aren’t What They Seem)
Let’s face it, real estate lingo can sound like a foreign language. And in Miami? We’ve basically turned it into Spanglish with a side of sass. If you’ve ever smiled politely during a showing while quietly Googling “as-is” and wondering if “walkable” means dodging iguanas, this one’s for you.

Welcome to the Miamism Real Estate Dictionary—where we decode the buzzwords, strip away the fluff, and tell you what that listing really means.

AS-IS (with Right to Inspect)

Sounds harmless, right?
Actual Meaning: the seller isn’t agreeing to make any repairs. The home is being sold exactly as it is, flaws and all, but (and this is important) you still have the right to inspect it and walk away if something major pops up.
It doesn’t mean “no protection,” it just means the seller’s not in the mood to patch drywall or replace that ancient water heater.
We’re here to guide you through what to look out for, what to negotiate (yes, you still can), and how to make smart, informed decisions, handyman optional.

TURNKEY

“Just bring your toothbrush!”
Actual Meaning: Technically, “turnkey” means the home is completely ready to move into, everything’s done, cleaned, functional, and in working order. Sometimes it even includes furniture, linens, and kitchenware (hello, Airbnb vibes).
But be warned: turnkey means different things to different agents. One might mean fully furnished with designer finishes, another might mean the appliances work and that’s about it.
So ask questions. We’ll help you make sure “turnkey” doesn’t turn into “you’re kidding me.”

WALKABLE

“We’re steps away from everything!”
Actual Meaning: You can technically walk, but you’ll arrive sweaty, sunburned, and questioning your life choices. (Welcome to Miami.)

HURRICANE IMPACT WINDOWS

“Peace of mind during storm season.”
Actual Meaning: Also peace of mind when your neighbor decides to pressure clean their roof at 7 a.m.

BONUS ROOM

“There’s extra space to play with!”
Actual Meaning: Could be a home office, gym, nursery, meditation room, or your teenager’s escape pod. Or… it might be a converted garage, a windowless nook, or a very creative use of space that may or may not be permitted.
It’s not necessarily a red flag, but it’s definitely a “let’s double-check that” moment. We’ll help you figure out if it’s a bonus, or a maybe-not-so-much.

INVESTOR SPECIAL

“Endless potential!”
Actual Meaning: No flooring, questionable plumbing, and a smell that says something died here… maybe hope. You’ll need vision, a hazmat suit, and probably a tetanus shot.
This one’s for the brave, or the budget-savvy who see past the chaos. Just don’t go in without backup. We’ll bring the flashlight and a reality check.

EASY TO SHOW

“Call and go!”
Actual Meaning: In theory, it means you can waltz right in with a quick call. In reality? You’ll call, you’ll text, you’ll wait. You’ll get ghosted, followed by a “Sorry, tenant needs 24 hours” message. Then you’ll reschedule, only to arrive and be greeted by a confused roommate, a locked gate, and a barking chihuahua named Tito who is not thrilled to see you.
We’ll handle the chaos, just don’t believe the listing.

MAJOR PRICE REDUCTION

“Motivated seller!”
Actual Meaning: The seller finally Googled “comps,” had a moment of clarity (or a very honest cousin), and realized wishful thinking isn’t a pricing strategy.
It’s not a fire sale, it’s reality setting in. And depending on how major the reduction is, it might finally be worth a second look. We’ll help you read between the price drops.

CHARMING

“Full of character!”
Actual Meaning: Original everything. From the tile to the doorknobs to that pink bathroom that’s made a full comeback (thank you, Pinterest). It might creak, it might lean a little, but it’s got soul.
Just know that “charming” sometimes means “not updated since your abuela’s heyday”, which can be a vibe or a project. We’ll help you tell the difference.

FLOOD ZONE

“Get ready to bond with your insurance agent.”
Actual Meaning: Yes, it matters. And we do have to make light of it. There’s a big difference between a low-risk zone and the kind where king tides turn your driveway into a canal.
We laugh, but this is real life in coastal Miami. You might not need a boat, but on certain days, you’ll wish you had one.
We’ll help you understand what kind of flood zone you’re in, what it means for your insurance, and whether those stylish rain boots are a fashion statement or a survival tactic.

Real estate in Miami takes grit, local know-how, and, let’s be honest, a solid sense of humor. Hopefully, you got a good laugh (and maybe a reality check) from our slightly exaggerated, semi-fictional, loosely interpretive guide.
Because while this post may read like satire, the confusion out there is real, and that’s exactly why we’re here. To help you cut through the fluff, ask the right questions, and navigate the process with eyes wide open (and maybe a mojito or 2 in hand).
Ready to decode your next move? We’ve got you.